What’s there to lose?!
As you can see from two entries in as many days, I am still at home and I am still enjoying it. Well, I started working about 10 am and haven’t stopped much since then (almost 7 hours) so that’s not too lazy. There is something I should be finishing by Tuesday but I’ll start that tomorrow…after all I am planning to stay in till then and work…since the rest of the UK will be holidaying, I won’t be disturbed for other work.
Anyway, there is hope…hope for meeting deadlines and all the rest…The following is the evidence. It’s a joke email sent by a friend but it’s so good that I had to share…oh, it’s not just about hope actually…it’s ‘optimistic action’…and you know you can’t win if you don’t try!
The Sultan decides that two prisoners brought before him should be executed. One of them, who remembers how much the Sultan loves his horse, tries to strike a bargain: if the Sultan pardons him, he will teach the Sultan’s horse how to fly within the year. The Sultan who likes the sounds of this grants the pardon.
The other prisoner asks his cellmate ‘you know horses can’t fly. How could you come up with such a crazy bargain?! You are only postponing the inevitable!”
The ‘horse-trainer’ says: “Not so! I’ve given myself four chances to freedom: first, the Sultan could die within the year; second, I could die within the year; third, the horse could die within the year and fourth, perhaps I could teach the horse to fly!”
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Confessions under the influenza
Another month…where has the time gone?! Why am I so slow in writing these days (not only here but in general)? I haven’t read much either…
…hmmm what have I managed to do instead?
Some work, a little socialising, a lot of improv (improving), some soul searching and a lot of sniffling towards the end…
…after a week at home with flu, well, am still at home…I was fighting this virus for months and then last Tuesday night I felt like my body saying “look here, I waited for your deadlines, your shows, your conference, your social life…I’ve taken ibopurofen, paracetamol, vitamins and mineral…I’ve eaten garlic, drunk lemon and honey…done everything I can do to stand up for you as long as I can but I can no more”…come the morning she refused to wake up let alone stand up…it was time to listen to her and lie low…
…I should be bored by now but I kind of like it. I put the air mattress in the middle of the living room and that’s where I’ve been sleeping last few nights, falling asleep watching the digital channels I’ve recently discovered having fixed the free view box which has been waiting installation for about six months…. Despite the flu, I am loving this – especially the two channels that play music videos – my favourite, even at this age!...I have the laptop on one side and the phone on the other…. I do some work every day – am probably as productive as I would have been at the office: sleeping instead of wasting time travelling, lunch hour, messing about…
But I think I also like being on my own…DIMINISH…had said the I Chin stones (or whatever they are called) Christmas before last when I threw them at a friend’s and she read the meaning out of a huge book. Diminish your engagements, emotional entanglements…I sure am slow at picking up some things so it wouldn’t surprise me if ‘diminishing’ took me over a year and the only flu I had in six years…
I like the little cocoon of my flat doing as little or as much as I can manage and pretend I am very much younger – not because of I am worried about aging but associate being younger with having less responsibilities……not having to liaise with people…not see sad things outside…not see happier people and wonder what’s wrong with me…
A few weeks ago, I was in the tube one morning during the rush hour. This is something I don’t normally do. I specifically try to avoid the rush hour to avoid the horrid mood people are in. That morning I had no choice, so there I was sitting just like the others. It suddenly occurred to me that I could be simply fooling myself with my semi-self employed status, flexible work hours, bachelorette lifestyle into thinking that I am different, that I am in charge of my life…and in fact I am there sitting there just like the others: all adult, not quite miserable but not quite happy either, wearing a ‘tube face’ that lasts all day: motionless and emotionless…Am I really one of those adults who have no joy left in their lives?
But then I am capable of seeing joy in small things: like the old man I’d seen on the bus earlier the same morning…a down and out man probably looking much older than his years, his clothes rather old with the exception of a pair of very new and colourful trainers – a present from a distant grand child? A hand-me-down from a neighbour? Most likely a gift from a charity…He seemed very comfortable in his trainers and I felt genuinely happy for him…happier than I’ve felt for myself for a long time.
So perhaps I haven’t totally lost the joy…and perhaps those people in the tube haven’t lost it either…they just choose not to share it with fellow commuters…and, hey, why should they?
Anyway, I can’t stay in my flat (working or not) forever…I have to mix with people and share whatever is on offer – joy, responsibility, fun, sadness…whatever is called life.
“I’ve grown stronger dealing with the outcomes of my own weaknesses”…just something that came to my mind the other day…perhaps the same will happen during this recuperation period…
…I never know if (a) I am really slow in understanding things about life that are obvious to others or (b) a profound inquisitor into the matters of life, love and thought….Guess it’s possible to be both as it depends on who is doing the defining…Whatever I am, God knows, I am trying to understand…
…most of the time anyway…now am gonna watch digital tv before falling asleep on the air mattress…
hmmm…life ain’t that bad and the only thing to understand seems to be that if you commit to doing something well, God/universe/energy/spirits/your own power helps you…proof: a couple of days ago I’ve decided I was lucky enough to enjoy my little cocoon of flat and virus and here I am recovering body and soul…
Another month…where has the time gone?! Why am I so slow in writing these days (not only here but in general)? I haven’t read much either…
…hmmm what have I managed to do instead?
Some work, a little socialising, a lot of improv (improving), some soul searching and a lot of sniffling towards the end…
…after a week at home with flu, well, am still at home…I was fighting this virus for months and then last Tuesday night I felt like my body saying “look here, I waited for your deadlines, your shows, your conference, your social life…I’ve taken ibopurofen, paracetamol, vitamins and mineral…I’ve eaten garlic, drunk lemon and honey…done everything I can do to stand up for you as long as I can but I can no more”…come the morning she refused to wake up let alone stand up…it was time to listen to her and lie low…
…I should be bored by now but I kind of like it. I put the air mattress in the middle of the living room and that’s where I’ve been sleeping last few nights, falling asleep watching the digital channels I’ve recently discovered having fixed the free view box which has been waiting installation for about six months…. Despite the flu, I am loving this – especially the two channels that play music videos – my favourite, even at this age!...I have the laptop on one side and the phone on the other…. I do some work every day – am probably as productive as I would have been at the office: sleeping instead of wasting time travelling, lunch hour, messing about…
But I think I also like being on my own…DIMINISH…had said the I Chin stones (or whatever they are called) Christmas before last when I threw them at a friend’s and she read the meaning out of a huge book. Diminish your engagements, emotional entanglements…I sure am slow at picking up some things so it wouldn’t surprise me if ‘diminishing’ took me over a year and the only flu I had in six years…
I like the little cocoon of my flat doing as little or as much as I can manage and pretend I am very much younger – not because of I am worried about aging but associate being younger with having less responsibilities……not having to liaise with people…not see sad things outside…not see happier people and wonder what’s wrong with me…
A few weeks ago, I was in the tube one morning during the rush hour. This is something I don’t normally do. I specifically try to avoid the rush hour to avoid the horrid mood people are in. That morning I had no choice, so there I was sitting just like the others. It suddenly occurred to me that I could be simply fooling myself with my semi-self employed status, flexible work hours, bachelorette lifestyle into thinking that I am different, that I am in charge of my life…and in fact I am there sitting there just like the others: all adult, not quite miserable but not quite happy either, wearing a ‘tube face’ that lasts all day: motionless and emotionless…Am I really one of those adults who have no joy left in their lives?
But then I am capable of seeing joy in small things: like the old man I’d seen on the bus earlier the same morning…a down and out man probably looking much older than his years, his clothes rather old with the exception of a pair of very new and colourful trainers – a present from a distant grand child? A hand-me-down from a neighbour? Most likely a gift from a charity…He seemed very comfortable in his trainers and I felt genuinely happy for him…happier than I’ve felt for myself for a long time.
So perhaps I haven’t totally lost the joy…and perhaps those people in the tube haven’t lost it either…they just choose not to share it with fellow commuters…and, hey, why should they?
Anyway, I can’t stay in my flat (working or not) forever…I have to mix with people and share whatever is on offer – joy, responsibility, fun, sadness…whatever is called life.
“I’ve grown stronger dealing with the outcomes of my own weaknesses”…just something that came to my mind the other day…perhaps the same will happen during this recuperation period…
…I never know if (a) I am really slow in understanding things about life that are obvious to others or (b) a profound inquisitor into the matters of life, love and thought….Guess it’s possible to be both as it depends on who is doing the defining…Whatever I am, God knows, I am trying to understand…
…most of the time anyway…now am gonna watch digital tv before falling asleep on the air mattress…
hmmm…life ain’t that bad and the only thing to understand seems to be that if you commit to doing something well, God/universe/energy/spirits/your own power helps you…proof: a couple of days ago I’ve decided I was lucky enough to enjoy my little cocoon of flat and virus and here I am recovering body and soul…
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