A fine balancing act…
…I live alone and have done so for the last 9 years. I work in a small office and have done so for the last 15 years. So there could be hours and hours in a day that I won't utter a single word...not to any other human anyway (I do occasionally speak to myself, and more frequently - though only to say good morning and to enquire after their health - with my six pots of African violets)...OK, more seriously, some days I don’t feel like saying even hello and others I can’t stop talking…When I am on form, I don’t think I am a bad talker…but am I good conversationalist?
In the December 23rd, 2006 issue, The Economist ran an article on the art of conversation. I want to reproduce a few quotes from that article for everyone’s benefit.
Diderot’s conversation was “enlivened by absolute sincerity, subtle without obscurity, varied in its forms, dazzling in its flights of imagination, fertile in its ideas and in its capacity to inspire ideas in others. One let oneself drift along with it for hours at a time, as if one were gliding down a fresh and limpid river, whose banks were adorned with rich estates and beautiful houses” (“by one account” says the article). [How wonderful….most conversations are unfortunately like letting oneself stuck among other tired and bored commuters in a tube train stuck in between two stations]
Cicero’s rules for good conversation are: speak clearly, speak easily but not too much, especially when others want their turn; do not interrupt; be courteous; deal seriously with serious matters and gracefully with lighter ones; never criticise people behind their backs; stick to subjects of general interest; do not talk about yourself; and, above all, never lose your temper. [Wow, a tall order, but how true…it’s worth repeating to one’s self on a daily basis]
Dale Carnegie’s six ways to make people like you: remember people’s names, be a good listener, become genuinely interested in other people, smile, talk in terms of the other person’s interests, and make the other person feel important. [And presumably do this with sincerity, otherwise there is no point!]
Definition of conversation: the equal distribution of speaker rights; mutual respect among speakers; spontaneity and informality; and a non-businesslike ambience. Johnson said: “talk beyond that which is necessary to the purposes of actual business”. [What a succinct and beautiful description]
Margaret Shephard says: “Never speak uninterrupted for more than four minutes at a time” and “If you are the only person who still has a plate full of food, stop talking”. [When I succeed in not talking about myself but fail to be interested in other people, I know it’s time to move on…]
All interesting, don’t you think?
I don’t think blogging is a good way to practice good conversation – unless one wants to perfect the art of talking to one’s self. But keeping a personal blog hopefully helps with reducing the time spent talking about one’s self in person…Wishful thinking perhaps but I do hope so….
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Purposeless questions
Everything and everyone has a purpose.
We are born for a reason.
Things happen to us for a reason.
We meet others for a reason.
Let the reason be love?
Everything is supposed to be connected.
Universe is supposed to help us - not necessarily get what we want but learn what we are here to learn.
Learn to love and communicate?
Some believe this anyway. And I want to believe it.
But...
What is the purpose of me being in the tropics but in an office bitten to buggery by vicious mosquitoes who are fighting a winning battle against humanity?
What is the purpose of me writing personal moments, not just thoughts I think, but also moments I share, on this public blog and by doing so blow them out of proportion?
What is the purpose of living a dream only to wake up and not remember why it was dreamt in the first place?
Then again, what is the purpose of not dreaming at all? Not taking any risks, leading a comfortable and quiet life? Not rocking the boat but forever going in circles around the anchor?
As usual...lots of questions but no answers from me....but then if I were to start with the answers (let's assume I have them!) that would exceed my allocated 4 minutes of personal time (see the entry “A fine balancing act…”)!
Everything and everyone has a purpose.
We are born for a reason.
Things happen to us for a reason.
We meet others for a reason.
Let the reason be love?
Everything is supposed to be connected.
Universe is supposed to help us - not necessarily get what we want but learn what we are here to learn.
Learn to love and communicate?
Some believe this anyway. And I want to believe it.
But...
What is the purpose of me being in the tropics but in an office bitten to buggery by vicious mosquitoes who are fighting a winning battle against humanity?
What is the purpose of me writing personal moments, not just thoughts I think, but also moments I share, on this public blog and by doing so blow them out of proportion?
What is the purpose of living a dream only to wake up and not remember why it was dreamt in the first place?
Then again, what is the purpose of not dreaming at all? Not taking any risks, leading a comfortable and quiet life? Not rocking the boat but forever going in circles around the anchor?
As usual...lots of questions but no answers from me....but then if I were to start with the answers (let's assume I have them!) that would exceed my allocated 4 minutes of personal time (see the entry “A fine balancing act…”)!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I’ve been away too long…
There was work which exhausted me. There was visiting family around the globe which tried to turn me into a referee between the young and the old, and the old and the older but I doubt I did a good job of it. There was saying goodbye to my best mate, M, who went back to his home country leaving me with yet more longing for yet another loved one and increased doubts about continuing to live in London.
There was also fun times….I’ve been getting better at improvisation and there is more theatrical work in store, my work has so far been awarded, I’ve rested well over the Christmas holidays, I’ve gone back to the gym to shed the pounds that piled up over the last few months. Perhaps most importantly, an old friend and I got in touch again and this has made me very happy indeed…There is uncertainty surrounding lots of things in my life at the moment. I realised that the change I thought will happen has indeed been happening for a long time and will continue to do so. It started with relatively small things like writing this blog, but will get bigger in time as I am not as afraid of change as I was before.
I was in Turkey over Christmas and this made me think even more about the past, present and the future – about where I’ve come from, how I changed – change that was instigated by being here, change that would have happened anyway, and what happens next.
Amidst all this, thoughts, memories and dreams have been flying around in my head like a tornado. I didn’t have the time, energy or the will to calm them down and put them down on paper.
It’s not been all work and self-discovery and failed attempts to write. I’ll write about the trip to Turkey and others soon, but for now, I want to write about a couple of films I saw over the last two months…it’s late to be writing about them but I just want to have a bit of fun on the eve of the first proper work week of 2007…oh, yes, before it’s too late to say it: HAPPY NEW YEAR all.
Bond, James Bond
Daniel Craig is a much rougher but altogether a more satisfying Bond. He has a huge face, which is so rough that borders ugly at times…or at least scary. His body is to die for, and so is his well disguised vulnerability.
Dialog is, in all the wrong places, laughable…but sometimes in the best places too…sorry to spoil it for the few who haven’t seen the film yet but I can’t help it…’Shaken or stirred sir?’ ‘Do I look like I give a damn?’…
He runs, climbs, almost flies, plays poker, and all that…But he is a different Bond. He kills with his hands and we watch how and how they affect him. He makes mistakes and he loses. He lowers his guard and falls in love. We now know why he is so ruthless with women who follow. If it’s not the betrayal that disillusioned him, it would have been the death.
And to show all that he can act. I’d never seen Daniel Craig in a film before, now I can’t wait for the next Bond…in fact, I think I’ll watch this again as soon as possible.
Devil Wears Prada
A silly film, no doubt, but also great fun…especially if seen in the comfort of a plane seat. I saw it on the way back from visiting family in the Caribbean and upon arrival went, almost straight, to the shops! Back in the early 1990s, I was the Ann Hathaway character with my nice skirts and nice jumpers…’the immigrant’ look as M used to put it. So I sympathised with her. But those coats, bags and dresses one sees Meryl Streep character come to office day in day out…wow, they are something else…We all have an external persona that hides, depending on our disposition, a little or a lot about what goes on in the inside. Clothes like that are that good are so much more helpful to augment an external persona that not only it becomes capable of standing on its own but also uplifts the inner goings on.
Am I becoming a fashionista? Nope, I am too lazy for that, fashion changes far too fast for me to follow closely. But when the film finished, my first and only thought – hmm, only thought? What does that tell you about the cinematic quality of the film? Well, exactly! – was that ‘I am 36 and it’s time I’ve become stylish!’…Fine thought, and I was quick to execute it by as I said going shopping upon arrival…but shopping where?…ASDA! That was before the 10 cents an hour wage rate Asda pays Bangladeshi women become the news….but I have a couple of very nice tops and a pair of not so nice trousers out of it.
There was work which exhausted me. There was visiting family around the globe which tried to turn me into a referee between the young and the old, and the old and the older but I doubt I did a good job of it. There was saying goodbye to my best mate, M, who went back to his home country leaving me with yet more longing for yet another loved one and increased doubts about continuing to live in London.
There was also fun times….I’ve been getting better at improvisation and there is more theatrical work in store, my work has so far been awarded, I’ve rested well over the Christmas holidays, I’ve gone back to the gym to shed the pounds that piled up over the last few months. Perhaps most importantly, an old friend and I got in touch again and this has made me very happy indeed…There is uncertainty surrounding lots of things in my life at the moment. I realised that the change I thought will happen has indeed been happening for a long time and will continue to do so. It started with relatively small things like writing this blog, but will get bigger in time as I am not as afraid of change as I was before.
I was in Turkey over Christmas and this made me think even more about the past, present and the future – about where I’ve come from, how I changed – change that was instigated by being here, change that would have happened anyway, and what happens next.
Amidst all this, thoughts, memories and dreams have been flying around in my head like a tornado. I didn’t have the time, energy or the will to calm them down and put them down on paper.
It’s not been all work and self-discovery and failed attempts to write. I’ll write about the trip to Turkey and others soon, but for now, I want to write about a couple of films I saw over the last two months…it’s late to be writing about them but I just want to have a bit of fun on the eve of the first proper work week of 2007…oh, yes, before it’s too late to say it: HAPPY NEW YEAR all.
Bond, James Bond
Daniel Craig is a much rougher but altogether a more satisfying Bond. He has a huge face, which is so rough that borders ugly at times…or at least scary. His body is to die for, and so is his well disguised vulnerability.
Dialog is, in all the wrong places, laughable…but sometimes in the best places too…sorry to spoil it for the few who haven’t seen the film yet but I can’t help it…’Shaken or stirred sir?’ ‘Do I look like I give a damn?’…
He runs, climbs, almost flies, plays poker, and all that…But he is a different Bond. He kills with his hands and we watch how and how they affect him. He makes mistakes and he loses. He lowers his guard and falls in love. We now know why he is so ruthless with women who follow. If it’s not the betrayal that disillusioned him, it would have been the death.
And to show all that he can act. I’d never seen Daniel Craig in a film before, now I can’t wait for the next Bond…in fact, I think I’ll watch this again as soon as possible.
Devil Wears Prada
A silly film, no doubt, but also great fun…especially if seen in the comfort of a plane seat. I saw it on the way back from visiting family in the Caribbean and upon arrival went, almost straight, to the shops! Back in the early 1990s, I was the Ann Hathaway character with my nice skirts and nice jumpers…’the immigrant’ look as M used to put it. So I sympathised with her. But those coats, bags and dresses one sees Meryl Streep character come to office day in day out…wow, they are something else…We all have an external persona that hides, depending on our disposition, a little or a lot about what goes on in the inside. Clothes like that are that good are so much more helpful to augment an external persona that not only it becomes capable of standing on its own but also uplifts the inner goings on.
Am I becoming a fashionista? Nope, I am too lazy for that, fashion changes far too fast for me to follow closely. But when the film finished, my first and only thought – hmm, only thought? What does that tell you about the cinematic quality of the film? Well, exactly! – was that ‘I am 36 and it’s time I’ve become stylish!’…Fine thought, and I was quick to execute it by as I said going shopping upon arrival…but shopping where?…ASDA! That was before the 10 cents an hour wage rate Asda pays Bangladeshi women become the news….but I have a couple of very nice tops and a pair of not so nice trousers out of it.
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