A fine balancing act…

…I live alone and have done so for the last 9 years. I work in a small office and have done so for the last 15 years. So there could be hours and hours in a day that I won't utter a single word...not to any other human anyway (I do occasionally speak to myself, and more frequently - though only to say good morning and to enquire after their health - with my six pots of African violets)...OK, more seriously, some days I don’t feel like saying even hello and others I can’t stop talking…When I am on form, I don’t think I am a bad talker…but am I good conversationalist?

In the December 23rd, 2006 issue, The Economist ran an article on the art of conversation. I want to reproduce a few quotes from that article for everyone’s benefit.

Diderot’s conversation was “enlivened by absolute sincerity, subtle without obscurity, varied in its forms, dazzling in its flights of imagination, fertile in its ideas and in its capacity to inspire ideas in others. One let oneself drift along with it for hours at a time, as if one were gliding down a fresh and limpid river, whose banks were adorned with rich estates and beautiful houses” (“by one account” says the article). [How wonderful….most conversations are unfortunately like letting oneself stuck among other tired and bored commuters in a tube train stuck in between two stations]

Cicero’s rules for good conversation are: speak clearly, speak easily but not too much, especially when others want their turn; do not interrupt; be courteous; deal seriously with serious matters and gracefully with lighter ones; never criticise people behind their backs; stick to subjects of general interest; do not talk about yourself; and, above all, never lose your temper. [Wow, a tall order, but how true…it’s worth repeating to one’s self on a daily basis]

Dale Carnegie’s six ways to make people like you: remember people’s names, be a good listener, become genuinely interested in other people, smile, talk in terms of the other person’s interests, and make the other person feel important. [And presumably do this with sincerity, otherwise there is no point!]

Definition of conversation: the equal distribution of speaker rights; mutual respect among speakers; spontaneity and informality; and a non-businesslike ambience. Johnson said: “talk beyond that which is necessary to the purposes of actual business”. [What a succinct and beautiful description]

Margaret Shephard says: “Never speak uninterrupted for more than four minutes at a time” and “If you are the only person who still has a plate full of food, stop talking”. [When I succeed in not talking about myself but fail to be interested in other people, I know it’s time to move on…]

All interesting, don’t you think?

I don’t think blogging is a good way to practice good conversation – unless one wants to perfect the art of talking to one’s self. But keeping a personal blog hopefully helps with reducing the time spent talking about one’s self in person…Wishful thinking perhaps but I do hope so….